Sunday, December 14, 2014

The story your writing

Every bodies got a story their writing,
today a wall that their climbing,
you can carry the past on your shoulder,
or you can start over.
Regret, no matter what you've gone through,
Jesus, he gave it all to save you,
He carried the cross on his shoulder,
so you can start over.
("Start over" Royal Flush)
So I have been pondering the story that we leave behind us. It is like a trail of bread crumbs through a town, and when the mice follow it they find the source.  Our lives are very similar.  We go about our life leaving tidbits here and there and those watching us can see what we do. (Facebook is a great example). So many times those the closet to us can see our hearts much better then ourselves. I have many times had a close friend show me somewhere I was reacting to my past or to something I didn't appreciate in my parents.
We need to daily sit down and ask ourselves, so what did I write in my story today?  Do I need to do better tomorrow or am I ok with the way it is. For me I look back over each day, at times wondering what I was thinking, other times I know it went as God planned. The point I'm getting to is this. We plan our lives our way, then God plans our lives His way. We many times point out the times our plan and God's plan lined up, even though it was only for a short time. We need to make sure we are aligning our entire lives with God's plan not just the convenient times. We so often think His ways may take us to a place we dont want to go, talk to someone we dont like, or even drop a tradition that we cling to dearly.
Every person has a past a present and some length of future.  We can't change our past, we live in the present, but we can't predict the future.  Some people are blest to have a past that they aren't ashamed to share.  A past that yes they did some things wrong but never really were to bad. At times I think that would be so nice to be able to say that but then I think, would I be as glad of what God has brought me out of if I hadn't really done anything I felt was very wrong? I in no way encourage young people to do wrong.  There is the law of reaping and sowing that always applies to the wrong we do. When some things in life don't go as planned it makes you think of your past. That is where my mind has been the last few nights of night duty. Pondering over things that have happened in my past wondering if that affected some actions in my present.
I thank God for the forgiveness and redemption he brings to our lifes when we ask him to. Life is a journey that we are walking, we can make it a example to those following or a example of what not to do to those following. What will you choose to let God make your life?

Friday, December 5, 2014

Living with abandonment for God

I have been pondering my life of late and just feel like i need to abandon more for God. He has done so much for me that i really should be able to accept or do anything he wants. Some of these thoughts are from a sermon I read today that impressed me.
What does it mean to live with abandon?
Living with abandon means that we are giving our whole life over to the service of Christ. It means that we drop everything that we hold onto and give it over to Jesus for His glory. He might take our friends, family, but if we trust fully in him we will see the end goal. Living with abandon means that we answer His call on our life and we hold our commitment to Him above everything else in our lives. Nothing is held back and everything is surrendered to the person of Jesus. It means that we live each day with the attitude of No reserves, no retreat and no regrets. We will commit our thoughts and each of the things we hold dear, to God for His using, taking, and breaking.
What does it take to live with abandon?
Following Jesus is not for the timid, it is not for the faint of heart. Following Jesus will be the greatest challenge we could ever embrace. Being a disciple means nothing less than giving over your whole life, your whole heart, over to the control of Christ. Living ith abandon means that your all is given to the Lordship of Jesus. The call of Jesus is to live a life that has died to the world. It means living a life that is focused on the things of eternal nature instead of things of earth.
The Apostle Paul is an excellent example of living with abandon. Paul understood what it meant to live a radical life for Christ. Paul gave every part of his life to Christ and His service. He gave his incredible mind, his body, his heart and eventually his life to the cause of Christ. Paul turned the world upside down because he lived an abandoned life. Are we willing to stand out, stand up and make a difference in the world as Paul did? God has far higher goals for us then we know, so as He leads and takes us his way, we can trust that it is within His plans, His journey for our lives. Where would we be without His leading in this crazy world?  I pray that you will think about, am I living with abandon for God today?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Is Ebola Scary toYou?

Read some facts of other more common viruses and then you will be sidetracked...
I have been reading about the present ‘Headlines’ on Ebola and how that may affect us and especially those of us in the nursing field. I also have talked to 2 Doctors about this subject and their opinion on the matter and seems quite stable and is very sensible. So between them and the trusty CDC I have put together some thoughts on the subject, and yes, many fears about it are false, you don’t need to be getting scared it is going to wreak havoc in the US. Some facts that put Ebola to shame are; in 2009 - between 8,870 and 18,300 deaths in the United States and up to 203,000 deaths worldwide were caused by the flu, the flu! Now look at the meager 4,000+ that have died from Ebola, what should we be focusing on? Take cancer, it is also a virus started disease, 1,638,910 died in the United States in 2012 from it. So by these facts I think it is easier to put Ebola in to a better perspective and know just how to feel about it.
Ebola is a rare and deadly disease caused by infection with a virus of the family Filoviridae, genus Ebolavirus.  Ebola is found in several African countries. The first Ebola species was discovered in 1976 near the Ebola River in what is now the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Since then, outbreaks have appeared sporadically in Africa.  The natural reservoir host of Ebola remains unknown. However, on the basis of available evidence and the nature of similar viruses, researchers believe that the virus is animal-borne with bats being the most likely reservoir. Four of the five subtypes occur in an animal host native to Africa.
The 2014 Ebola epidemic is the largest in history. This outbreak is affecting multiple countries in West Africa. One imported case and associated locally acquired cases in healthcare workers have been reported in the United States. CDC and its partners are taking precautions to prevent the further spread of Ebola within the United States. A person infected with Ebola can’t spread the disease until symptoms appear the time from exposure to when signs or symptoms of the disease appear (the incubation period) is 2 to 21 days, but the average time is 8 to 10 days. Since the incubation period is so short it is extremely easier to find cures and the source for. The diseases that take 2-10 years are very hard to catch in time and study.  Ebola, previously known as Ebola hemorrhagic fever, is a severe, often fatal disease in humans and nonhuman primates (such as monkeys, gorillas, and chimpanzees).  Signs of Ebola include fever and symptoms like severe headache, muscle pain, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, or unexplained bleeding or bruising.        
Recovery from Ebola depends on the patient’s immune response. If you have a good immune system you have a higher chance of not catching the disease. People who recover from Ebola infection develop antibodies that last for at least 10 years. Ebola is spread through direct contact with blood and body fluids Ebola is spread through direct contact (through broken skin or through your eyes, nose, or mouth) with Blood and body fluids (like urine, feces, saliva, vomit, sweat, and semen) of a person who is sick with Ebola.  Objects (like needles) that have been contaminated with the blood or body fluids of a person sick with Ebola.  Ebola is not spread through the air, water, or food. Experimental vaccines and treatments for Ebola are under development, but they have not yet been fully tested for safety or effectiveness. Last week 20 people were injected with the first vaccines as a trial since there was a 100% success rate with monkeys.
 “Ebola is hard to fight, but we know how to fight it and how to beat it…We’re going to put in extra measures of safety to protect Americans.” —CDC Director Tom Frieden, MD, MPH
Timely treatment of Ebola is important but challenging since the disease is difficult to diagnose clinically in the early stages of infection. Because early symptoms such as headache and fever are not specific to Ebolaviruses, cases of Ebola may be initially misdiagnosed.  Some of the ways to help with slowing down the process they are using right now is. Providing intravenous (IV), fluids and balancing electrolytes (body salts), Maintaining oxygen status and blood pressure, Treating other infections if they occur
All cases of human illness or death from Ebola have occurred in Africa (with the exception of several laboratory contamination cases: one in England and two in Russia). One travel-associated case was diagnosed in the United States on September 30, 2014. On October 12, 2014, a healthcare worker at Texas Presbyterian Hospital who provided care for the index patient has tested positive for Ebola. CDC confirms that the healthcare worker is positive for Ebola.

       So after reading all that it doesn’t sound too bad now does it? Now I’m getting freaked out I might catch the flu or cancer…..
  Here is a link to a very good news report on ebola

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

How's My Influence?

Fall Is Here, Where Am i?

So the past 3-4 months have been busier than normal and taking 17 credit hours in school and working 2-3 days a week, keeps your wordy spirit in check. There are times when the words have to flow out though, they spill forth in torrents, raining on the poor earth not in need of yet one more blogger...BLOG: A profound read on the power of how we treat others.

 How am i Affecting those around Me?

So this has been on my mind and in the deep crevices of my fractured brain of late. Think for a moment, where are you leading those around you? Do you enrich their lives or do you leave them filling you with no returns?.  I believe that God has put gifts and talents and ability on the inside of every one of us. When you develop that You can be used mightily of God. I feel far from being the influence i need to be but time is a grower as well as a healer. And yet we know that "Influence is not about a title or a designation. It's about impact and inspiration. Impact involves getting results, influence is about spreading the passion you have  to inspire fellow Christians on the road."
Robin S. Sharma. Here at Hillcrest we have a great advantage to make a good impact on many lives. We all live and work and fight together and that calls for a lot of grace, patience and love at times, but when we get to the end of the year we look back and say, wow, that was a great time. We as humans tend to forget what we want and remember the good or in some cases of jealousy or pain, the bad. It is at these times when the true character comes out and shows are you going to be a good influence and forgive or are you going to forget it? It may hurt your pride, it may bruise your heart ever so slightly, or it may even involve you in the newest gossip, but what are you going to do with it? You need to cast it aside and take on the influence of Christ and do what He, the perfect example would do, Forgive and move on. It is not just the offended parties that need to forgive, the offending parties need to forgive for the hurt they have caused and the spoilage of precious time they have caused. It is so easy to "forgive" and next time you are around them you show the same feelings, whatever they are. The span of a life is far to short to be at odds. Be that strong influence and stand up and take the way of peace, the way that makes others want to follow. We at times are scared to step out of our "zone" but when we do there are those who will follow. You need not be scared of being a influence, but just be willing to be the one that God wants you to be. It is at the times when you think you are not affecting anyones life is sometimes when you are doing the most harm without realizing it. We can never be off guard.
One of the reasons this has been on my heart is i have been thinking of my childhood influences and the influence i was to my friends. I was in need of a lot of things in my life and those people who were influenced by me i feel sorry for now. I look back and think, but look at all the factors to make my life bad, they extremely outweigh the good. But what excuse do i have? None. God gives us all grace we just need to accept it. Some accept it sooner then others.Those who Receive His grace and Love early have less to look back at and be regretful for. I now can look back and am thankful i came through rough times, i know broken homes are not Gods plan, but i am thankful that He can make me a stronger example through that. I know that leaving home at a young age is not always the best but through that He can make you stronger for the future, or maybe He had me move to be a influence to someone i dont even know i touched. Maybe He brought me to Hillcrest to be influenced by a stronger and more secure Christian than i have met before. Ask yourself, Why did God bring me here? Could i be touching more lives and influences others more for the good? God did not ask you to come here for a easy life. He wanted more of you. He wanted you to be surrounded by Godly friends in close quarters to show you something. I challenge you find that purpose He wants you here. Touch a life before your opportunities are gone.
If you want to avoid ugly in a conflict, you must have a plan for how you're going to respond when someone pushes that giant red button on your chest and invites you to a duel. Because there's a real chance that the person who pushed that button is already under the influence of fear or pain and that person is not ready or willing to manage themselves well in conversations.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

My old Life... Moving Forward


    It has taken me years to get to this point to share my past with those i know and love. The reason it has been so hard is it involves some of them, it is not glamorous, it is not a 'typical' story. Satan has always told me it is so different that i shouldn't share it, i shouldn't open up, but really that is the only way to get free! I praise God for the freedom that he has brought to me and the peace in my once very troubled heart.
  It all started out as a twelve year old in a broken home... i being that twelve year old was trying to find myself and who i was. i was clinging to every strand of love i could find, i clung to a breath of hope then it would crash and burn to only make me more hardened to the truth. It is hard for a twelve year old to go through a breaking home, then to not get the needed love from the one parent he is with is even more catastrophic to him. So i turned to the wrong kinds of love. The kind that many people in the United States now embrace and call normal. A twisted, warped, kind of love that Satan tells you is how you were born, you were made this way. The media now tells us you are normal this way, you are born this way, you are just showing your true colors. Well that is all lies from the father of lies, he fills your heart and life with situations that promote this lifestyle. You don't even realize what is taking over your life when you are this age, you are going through puberty to start with so you don't need to be confused if you are going to be straight or if you have a SSA and where that will lead you. 
   One burden i have from this is all the kids still being brought into this world with no man figure in there life and the woman figure, are they abusive? This is the destroying element in this world. Why are there so many embracing alternate lifestyles? Broken homes and abusive parents. So you say I'm not abusive to my kids, but do you ever disappear for hours maybe a few days? Do you snap and just storm off and leave your kid crying or alone to tend to his own fears and struggles? I call that just as abusive, maybe not in a physical way but it hurts their mind, slowly turning it to the heart of their male friends instead of their parents. This damages there love for women and causes much pain in their future and what they will pursue for a companion. Once this has happened there is no way to ever get rid of it, from now on it is within them. It is as Paul says a thorn in the flesh, you ask God to remove it and He may take it away but for many people it always is in there body waiting to arise and so you need to lean fully on God to keep you pure and holy before Him. You need to be so taken over by Gods spirit and love that it has no opportunity to arise.
   So continuing on in my story, i struggled with this affliction. I knew i was weird and different so i tried to hide it, and act normal. I longed to be normal, have a normal home and have right desires.  Around this time i moved 14 hours from home to start over. Much to my dismay the thorn came along with me. i started over church-wise and work-wise but i couldn't redo my past. It clung to my life as a scar that kept getting opened. My life was in turmoil and my heart was cold. I tried to act like a christian but that didn't work. It became obvious and i entered a mentoring program that i didn't want... during this time i had started at a fine custom kitchen company and worked myself to head builder. I prided myself on producing as many kitchens a week as i could, but all in vain. I was filling a void. I really needed to turn to God. I struggled with the builders under me trying to get them to work faster with no understanding of, if this was the right position for them or should they be moved. My theory was anyone can do anything if you want, which i now know is nearly impossible.
   For many years i had wanted to be a nurse and a chef yet also. So i signed up for Hillcrest. It was after that i came in contact with a man that touched my heart for good more then any other person in my life. Instead of telling me where i was wrong and failing, he helped me see that yes i did have a problem, a wound that i would always have a scar from. He showed me that i was worth something as a person even tho i had a scar in my past. I now knew that there were other people in Christian churches who had this scar on their lives and that there was help! I wasn't alone in this. I had prayer warriors and brothers in Christ praying me on to a new life is Him. A life that is full of Him and Spirit-filled and living. A life i want to share because i just cant keep it in. God moved mightily in this time before i moved to Hillcrest. He showed me His way and How to overcome. It is a growing process that continues to get better. I thank God for His victory He has given me over my scar. I thank my friend for taking his time to encourage me and help me over the deciding factors and see the true Light . I cant be more grateful for all these wonderful people have done in my life i owe so much to them! 
  Life continues and gets better. I am finding who i am in God and what He wants from me. It looks like my dream of being a nurse is coming true and i feel so blessed and unworthy. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

My take on music

I know and knew before i ever voiced my concerns on this subject that there would be haters. I understand everyone has a right to there opinion and free mind, but not everyone has experienced the same things. No you really don't know everything!  I don't either. I have hesitated to share anything about this for one it doesn't make you famous and two it can tick off friends... but i keep getting a nagging feeling to share a real life story of what music did, and the out come.
  I know there are many genres of music. Some which are good, some to your own discerning, and some very blatantly wrong. This kind is on the verge of wrong and not all wrong. It im sure you all know is Country. It has a good song for every ten wrong so many will still argue that it is fine. It has 6 songs about broken homes, new women, sex and sinful desires out of every ten. It has 3 songs on alcohol, lust and pride also out of every ten... good music? Good morals? I don't want my kids listening to that. They will get the idea that broken homes and x,s and alcohol are the norm. I grew up with that. I don't want them to. I have seen that, i don't want to hear it on the radio all day every day. Maybe you haven't came through a broken home, and drunkards in your family. But do you have to till you see my point? Why do so many Christians think they have to experience it themselves to believe it? Why are so many youth, many who were my friends, skipping God for the "fun" sin and what the world has to offer? Why? I know by now some will have stopped reading simply because they dont agree, others because they know its true, but i still have a burden that they see the side affects this can cause. It is becoming a bigger problem in our conservative churches, and the effects will last for years.
  The story that i want to give as an example happened some years ago to one of my good friends.  We were best of buds. We lived close to gather and played together often. We aged together (not sure if i can say grew up...). He liked his music i liked mine. I argued with others that his music was fine, as so did he. He loved country, i loved classical and Modern Christian . He was a country boy, i was a town boy. We did many things together, to his liking and to mine. I'd sit and watch people, he'd go talk to them. So i watched him. We both turned more rebellious. He became inseparable from his music. I worried for him, and tried to tell him maybe go alil bit more without it but to no avail. We got older. He became a drinker and smoker. I by God's grace saw my sin and turned to Him. He got involved with women and the world's lures drew him in deeper. It cut me deep, he didn't listen to anything i told him. I realized that by supporting and fighting for things he wanted that were a detriment to his soul, was where i failed him. I was to blame.  It was his choice but i too was at fault. So friends i have had this burden on my heart for years. I want to see you in heaven. Please listen a little deeper to the words of the music you listen to. I know the older songs my be good but that is not what they play on the radio now! Its the new hits with the words that leave you empty, wanting to live like they say but yet still not finding fulfillment in life. Its not worth it people, never. Good night.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Life....goes on

The ponderings of a soul on night duty...
My mind wonders/wanders wildly to start with then give it a 10 hour night shift for two weeks! Lets just say i have mulled a large amount of data through these feeble brain cells lately. The Future is probably the heaviest on my mind of late...
  Back when i signed into come to Hillcrest i had been looking into nursing school, and that was my main reason for coming at first. Then i felt i should just do my 15 months see how it goes, and God will lead from there...  Well i loved my job! I loved working with people and even the not so glorious job of making families of residents happy. I felt i found my calling. My life for the next 4 years was planned out in school, perquisites, RN school and then a Bachelors. I could relax and be a floating Christian, the kind that  doesn't really need anything, but in reality needs God more than anything! Well i never had got my GED and so in February i had to start on that. I went the first day and came in headfirst to rock (Yeah i hate to say it but its algebra ). I found out that yes it was true that the GED had been made twice as hard and now it was 55% algebra.... So i started to study, and study, math was never hard i just never sat still long enough to learn it. Now i had to. So i went and pretested in science, reading, language, and social studies and passed easily, but behold it was time for night duty! So on i went on. I seem to need more sleep on night duty now so i can never get into class... Then we had a snow storm that closed class for 3 days. Now 2 days from coming off night duty  its dumps snow again. Is God telling me something again?  What exactly is He wanting for my life in the coming months?  I have been having doubts about if He really wants me in nursing school, or is that Satan telling me i can't do it? I have been told that so many times in life i feel i need to break that chain i will and can do it. I know with God anything is possible. Really?  Anything?  Wow! So if God really does want me to get into school he will make a way, i know He will. He will help me through all the paper work and applying for college, and grants, the intense first 2 months, finding a house, and still working on the side. He can make a way, it just can seem a little impossible right now. And then i leave on mission trip to Vietnam for two weeks in April. So its crunch time. I need to multiply hours and add days between here and there. May is just around the corner and that's when school will start if God so plans that way. So i know God has two really big hands to put our problems in... well mine may be small, but I'm glad the stress is out of my hands for now. Thank you Jesus! So the outcome of night duty?  Well even though i have despised and hated it this time, i have found myself again. God still is very good!